


Never back chat a Pagan Goddess of fertility

by stjra



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Childbirth, Gen, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-22
Updated: 2010-03-22
Packaged: 2017-10-19 15:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stjra/pseuds/stjra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam investigate a spate of homicides involving women, which leads them to a world renowned fertility clinic and a pagan goddess with a sense of humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never back chat a Pagan Goddess of fertility

**Author's Note:**

> This was a secret santa gift for easily_replaced on LJ. The prompt called for a Sam or Dean Mpreg, without wincest, with a supernatural cause. Fic also had to follow the nine months of pregnancy including what they decided to do with the baby. One of the biggest criteria was that it had to be funny and try and include Ellen and Ash. I'll leave it to you to decide if I managed to get them all in.

"Hey Dean?”

“Yeah, what?”

“What do you reckon about this one?"

Fifth Missing, Town on High Alert!

Riverview is the grip of a panic as news of the fifth young woman going missing in the last 2 weeks breaks. 5 young women between the ages of 20 and 30 have gone missing without a trace in the last 2 weeks. Police are baffled as to what has happened to the 5 young women. Each woman’s home has shown signs of a struggle, with suggestion of more than one assailant. No fingerprint or DNA evidence of the assailants has been found at the scenes of the abductions. Police have issued a warning to all young women who live alone to be vigilant with their security in ….

“What do you think, occult ring, witch coven…”

“I don’t know but it sure sounds like our type of gig. Where was it again?”

“Riverview, it’s about 3 hours from here.”

“Alrighty then, let go save us some damsels in distress, Robin”

“Dean.”

“What, you’d probably pick up more chicks if you were in tights. Especially if you wear that suit that Chris O’Connell wore. Holy crap, talk about over compensating.”

“Dean, it’s very disturbing you talking about me wearing a cod piece, and regardless I’m not the Robin to your Batman.”

“Why not, I’ve got the cool car and we have some cool gadgets too.”

“Jesus Dean, how old are you? You do know that you don’t add the numbers together, right?”

“Shut up, Sam and pack up you stuff.”

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It had been a long drive. Dean had blasted ACDC all the way, studiously ignoring all Sam’s attempts to draw him into conversation. Sam dropped his duffle on the twin bed closest to the bathroom; he looked up to see Dean frowning into his own duffle, roughly pulling his clothes around.

“Ok, Dean, I’m sorry I called you a child, ok. Will you stop giving me the silent treatment now?”

“Hmpff.” Dean turned his back, completely blocking Sam’s view of his face.

“Come on, Dean. It’s not like you weren’t trying to insult me at the same time.” Sam huffed out, dropping his hands to his thighs.

“Whatever.”

“Fine, Jerk.”

“Bitch,” Dean smirked at his brother. Dean sat heavily on his bed, facing Sam, “so anymore guesses about what the hell is taking these girls?”

“Huh, you,…never mind.” Sam sighed and sat opposite him, shaking his head at this brother’s fickle mood swings. “Umm, yeah, I ah, had a chat to Bobby and he was already onto it.”

“Yeah, wha’d he say.”

“Well, he’s inclined to think that we’re dealing with a pagan god of some sort. He said it’s one he’s never come across, but to be careful cause from what he can tell it’s pretty damn powerful. Looks like she builds her power from her worshipers.”

“Her, it’s a goddess?.”

“Yeah, from what Bobby has been able to found out. He’s leaning towards a goddess of fertility given the birth rates here and surrounding counties. Apparently the birthrate in is 10 times the national average. They’ve gone from struggling township to a thriving metropolis over the last 25 years. They now have a world renowned fertility clinic here that has success rates that surpasses every other clinic in America.”

Dean quirked an eyebrow, “umm…so what’s gone wrong then, why are the corpses starting to pile up?”

“Dunno, Bobby’s best guess is that they’ve angered her somehow and she’s taking it out on the clientele. Either way, we need to stop her.”

“But if she’s been helpin’ people have kids…”

“Dean, she’s killing people, we can’t let her go with a warning. She a demi-goddess, the more worshipers she manages to convert the more powerful she gets and who knows what she would be capable of. Anyway, why am I having to convince you of all people? You’re usually the shoot first, ask question later kind of guy.”

“Yeah, I know, I just…I don’t know, I kind of feel bad for the people that are so desperate to have kids and can’t have them. I mean if the chick would just play nice, then people wouldn’t have to go through that shit.”

“Umm…Dean, you’re kind of scaring me. Since when do you care about helping people have kids?” Sam shuffled forward on his bed, watching Dean intently.

Dean stood up abruptly and started to pace, “Ah, I don’t it’s just, I dunno, it’s just not really fair is all. I just wish, I dunno, it doesn’t matter, let’s just get this thing done and over with.” Dean stalked off to the door, collecting his jacket and keys on the way. “I’m just gonna get us something to eat, anything you fancy?”

Sam stared at this brother in surprise, “Umm, no, whatever is fine. Are you sure…”

“It’s fine Sam, don’t make a big deal out of nothing. I’ll be back soon.”

Sam flinched as the door slammed. Sam wasn’t sure what he had said but he would be glad when this hunt was over. There was something about this hunt that just didn’t sit right. Sam couldn’t help but shiver as a cold tendril of fear wound its way down his spine.

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Dean edged to the corner of the building. A quick glance showed him a narrow corridor leading to a doorway with two men dressed in heavy red capes, complete with hoods standing guard. Dean turned back to Sam his back pressed to the wall beside him, and turned to whisper to his brother.

“Two guards, no cover between us and them, no visible weapons but they are wearing dresses so who the hell knows what they got hidden under there. God I hate it when it’s people, especially crazy people. What the hell were they thinking using a pagan goddess to make their fertility clinic a success, who the hell does that?”

“Greedy childless morons?”

“Great, capitalism in action. What do you reckon we should do now?”

Sam smirked, “I figure we get the latest desperate mother to be to safety and dismantle the cult and then we won’t have to deal with the goddess directly ‘cause she needs worshipers to gain powers, so we get rid of them and whatever they are using to focus it and that will wipe out her power base.”

Dean pursed his lips in thought, “Hmm, not bad Sam that could work. Alright Robin, I’ll race down the corridor and distract these guys and you hit them with the tranquilizer darts.” Dean started to push himself off the wall.

Sam’s hand snaked out and pulled him back.

“Dean, you just said that you didn’t know if they have hidden weapons. What if they have guns? You can’t just walk down there and not expect to get shot.”

“Who said anything about not expecting it?” Dean quickly pushed himself away from Sam and started down the corridor.

“Dean,” Sam hissed as Dean started talking to the guards.

“Oh, hey there. Do you know where I can find the bathroom around here? I had the biggest cup of cola earlier and its gone straight to my bladder, if I don’t find a toilet soon, I can’t be held responsible for the consequences. Well, I suppose I can but…”

“What the hell are you doing here? No one is allowed in this area.”

“Yeah, I figured I’d made a wrong turn somewhere along…” Dean punched the guard to his right, knocking him out cold, as the other guard dropped to the floor, his hand still clutching at the dart in his neck. “Yeah, we totally are Batman and Robin.”

“Dean, will you stop with…”

“What, fine, alright already, spoilt brat.”

“Dean, can we just get on with this please.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your codpiece in a twist.”

“Dean!”

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“Hey Sam, umm, do you think I should be worried about what she said as we burnt her altar?”

“Nah, I mean come on, you’re a guy, I mean there is nowhere for it to you know…grow and stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what I was thinking too, I mean pfft…she might be a goddess, but even she couldn’t get a guy pregnant,…could she?”

“No, definitely not, I mean…umm…maybe we should just swing by Bobby’s to see if he knows anything for sure and he can reassure you that you don’t have to worry,…right?”

“Yeah, yeah, there’s nothing to worry about, but we’ll go talk to Bobby, just to make sure.”

“Yeah, just to make sure.”

“Hey, Sam.”

“Yeah.”

“Stop at the next rest stop will you, I really need to take a leak.”

“Umm…yeah, sure Dean.”

“Oh, I could really go for some Doritos too, umm, the Nacho Cheese kind, oh god yeah, hurry up Sam, I’m wasting away to nothing here.”

‘Sure, whatever you say Dean.”

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Sam pulled his cell from his back pocket, glancing up to check that Dean was still in the shop of the gas station.

“Hey Bobby.”

“Sam, hey, how’d the hunt go, did you take care of the goddess?”

“Umm, yeah, we tore down her altar and rounded up her followers and handed them over to the authorities to deal with.”

“Great, so what’s up?”

“Ah, is it alright if we swing by your place, I’ve just got a couple of questions I want to ask?”

“Sure Sam, you know you boys are always welcome here.”

“Good, ok, umm, ok, we’ll see you in a few hours then.”

“Is everything ok Sam?”

“What, yeah, it’s fine, we’re good, just want to pick your brain a bit is all. Nothing serious.”

“Ok, so long as ya sure. I know that brother of yours can get himself into a mess of trouble when he puts his mind to it.”

“Ha, yeah, that’s Dean for ya. Anyway, thanks Bobby, we’ll see you soon.” Sam fumbled with the phone as he saw Dean making his way across the way with an arm load of junk food.

‘Sure, Bye Sa...” Bobby frowned at the phone when Sam hung up before he could finish.

“Hmm…I think I’ll grab out those text I was checking out, I think that boy has gone and stirred up some trouble again.

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“Jesus H. Christ boy, what on God’s green earth gave you the impression that back chatting a pagan goddess of fertility would be a good idea?”

“Bobby, I wasn’t trying to….”

“I don’t care what you were trying to do, do you realize what the consequences of your motor mouth are? Do you really have any idea?”

“Well, I…umm…ah Sam, a little help here,” Dean looked over his shoulder at his brother, his eyes wide and round, pleading for his help.

“Don’t drag me into it, I didn’t want to go anywhere near her, you were the one who just had to see what she looked like, ‘cause you thought she’d be hot.”

“What…no I didn’t. Well, that wasn’t the only reason I wanted to go and check her out, I mean I figured we should know, just in case we had to deal with her again.”

“Dean she’s a pagan goddess she can take any form she pleases. For crying out loud next time she might take the form of a guy, would you still find her hot then?”

“What, you little…,” Dean reached over to grab Sam’s collar.

“That’s enough!” Bobby pushed the two men apart, shaking his head at them. “You two need to stop bickering and start thinking of what to do about this. As far I can tell, there is no way to undo the goddess’ will. Somehow we are going to have to figure what the hell to do with this idiot while he’s pregnant and get him through the birth.”

Dean started to gasp and pant in his breathes. He bent over at the waist, with his hands on his thighs, his breathing becoming more labored the harder he tried to breath.

“Birth…what…what…do you mean…birth?” Dean’s face paled and his eyes started to roll back into his head.

“Dean!” Sam reached over and caught Dean’s shoulders to his chest as he started to slide to the floor. Sam gentle lowered his head to floor and looked up beseechingly to Bobby.

“What are we going to do, Dean can’t be pregnant. I mean, where the hell is it supposed to be growing?” Sam face took on a pallor of its own. “And where is it supposed to come out of?” Sam’s pallor took on a distinct greenish hue. “Oh God, Bobby, what the hell are we supposed to do?” Sam dropped down from his haunches to sit beside Dean’s prone form.

“Beats the heck out of me, boy. This is waaayyy beyond anything I’ve come across and I’ve come across some seriously freaky things. I think we might have to let Ellen in on this, she’s met just about every Hunter there is and if it’s happened before she’s bound to know about.” Bobby rubbed his beaten truckers cap over his head and looked down ruefully at Dean.

“Dammit, Dean, how the hell do you manage to get yourself into these messes?”

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Sam and Bobby decided that Bobby should stay behind and keep researching for a loop hole out of this mess as well as continue to try a find a way out of Dean’s deal. If they didn’t find a way out of the deal, Dean wasn’t going to be a Daddy for very long.

Sam couldn’t even contemplate the idea of Dean being pregnant let alone being a Father. Trust Dean to get himself into a mess like this. If he could just keep his freakin’ mouth shut for once. Sam sighed heavily and thumped his hand on the steering wheel. Suddenly there was a rustling on the passenger side as Dean started to shift in his seat.

“Go easy on my baby Sam. She takes good care of you, so show her a little respect.”

“Hey, dude, how ya feelin’?”

“Like someone used my mouth as a dust pan. Do we have anything to drink in here?” Dean squinted over at his brother, shielding his eyes from the sunlight streaming in through the windscreen.

“Yeah, umm, I think there a bottle of water under the seat on your side.”

Dean reached down, his arm swinging back and forth under the seat until he stopped suddenly, his face paling and his hand flying to his mouth.

“Pull over!” Dean grabbed frantically at the passenger side door handle and almost leapt out of the car before it come to a complete stop on the verge. Sam leaned over trying to see where Dean had gone. Seconds later the sound of retching registered and Sam grimaced in sympathy.

“Dean, you ok?” Sam scrambled out to Dean’s side of the car, coming to an abrupt halt as Dean continued to regurgitate the Doritos that he was so desperate for before. “Oh dude, that’s just gross.”

“Uhh, man they so taste worse on the way back up.” Dean spat on the grass and wipe the back of his hand across his face.

“Ugh, come on, if you’ve finished, let’s get back on the road and you can rest when we get to the Roadhouse.” Sam grimaced and turned back to the Impala.

“I’m not a wilting flower dude I don’t need to rest, and since when are we heading to Ellen’s, last I remember we were at Bobby’s place and he was talking about…” Dean suddenly turned back and retched into the grass again.

Sam knelt down beside him and rubbed circles into his back.

“It’s ok dude, just think you’ve got nine months to get used to this before you have to give birth to the baby, you’ll be fine.”

With that Dean’s eyes roll up into his head and he promptly toppled over into his own mess.

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Ellen instantly looks up as Sam pushes Dean’s unconscious form through the Roadhouse door.

“Oh my God. What happened Sam? Is he injured? Quickly, let’s get him around to one of the back rooms.” Ellen draped her arm around the opposite side of Dean helping Sam to bring him further into the room.

“Umm, ah, Ellen?” Sam constantly readjusted his hold on Dean and flickered his glaze from Ellen to the floor as they walked Dean out to the back of the Roadhouse.

“What is it Sam? Just spit it out boy, if Dean is in trouble I need to know what I’m dealing with now before it gets out of hand.” Ellen guided Sam into a room, helping him lower Dean onto a pallet bed that was already made up.

“Umm…well…umm…he…ah…sort of…umm.” Sam’s face colored to a beet red and he ducked his head down to his chest intently studying his shoes.

“Oh for the love of Pete will you just spit it out boy. What the hell is wrong with him?”

“He’s pregnant!” Sam blurted out to his shoes.

“What?” Ellen spun on her heels to look directly at Sam.

“Umm…he’s pregnant.” Sam stuttered as his looked up into Ellen’s direct glaze

Ellen face, instantly became all business. She marched to the door and yelled out into the corridor.

“Ash!”

A loud thump was heard further in the building, “Yo.”

“Get me the 10 year Single malt whiskey.”

Ash’s face popped around the doorway as he whistled in surprise. “Geeze Sam, I take it you boys have landed yourselves into some deep doodoo if she’s needin’ the 10 year single malt.” Ash looked over at Sam, his eyebrows disappearing into his fringe.

“Ash, just move your shaggy ass and get that damn whiskey!”

Ash scampered off out the doorway, sharing a commiserating look with Sam as he went. Ellen fussed around Dean, tucking in blankets and patting down his pillows, before swinging back to face Sam, her face drawn into a scowl.

“Now Sam, what god damn tom foolery did he do this time to get himself knocked up?”

Ash came back round the corner, two glasses and a bottle of whiskey in hand, just as Ellen finished her sentence, “Holy mother of….” Ash’s eyes widen in shock as he focuses in on Dean lying on the bed, and the bottle of whiskey shattered on the floor as it slipped from Ash’s shock weakened hand.

“Dammit Ash!”

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Sam turned in his seat at the bar, tuning his hearing to the noises coming from the back room he and his brother now shared at the Roadhouse. If Sam didn’t know any better, he would swear it was the sound of heart wrenching sobbing. Sam knew for certain that the only person in the room was Dean as he had felt him there an hour ago to sleep, the exhaustion and nausea getting the best of Dean. He was only 10 weeks pregnant, but Dean was suffering horrendously from all day sickness, which was draining him of his already limited energy.

Sam got up from the bar, his curiosity getting the better of him and walked over to the door, knocking before quietly opening the door.

“Dean, are you ok man? Do you need me to get you something?” Sam quickly took in the sight before him, before rushing over to Dean’s side.

“What happened? Are you in pain? Is it the Baby? Should I go and get Ellen?” Sam moved to kneel down in front of his brother. An endless stream of tears flowed down his face and retching sobs tore from his chest as he hugged his knees up to his chest and stared over Sam’s shoulder.

“Dean, Dean, talk to me man, you’re scaring me.” Sam wiped some of the tears from Dean’s face, placing his palms on either side of his face, trying to grab his attention and gaze.

Dean flickered his eyes to Sam and then back to whatever he was looking at over Sam’s shoulder. Sam glanced over his shoulder trying to see what had upset his brother so much. All he saw was the television that Ellen had set up for Dean to keep him occupied while he was so sick.

“What Dean, what is it? You can tell me.”

Sobs punctuated his words as he stumbled out his explanation, “the little girl died!” Dean crumpled into his brother’s shoulder, chocking on sobs as his tears soaked Sam’s shirt.

“What little girl? Was she someone you knew, who is she?” Sam tried to lift Dean’s head from his shoulder.

“In…in…in the…in the movie. She died Sam. They…they waited so…so long to…so long to have her, and then she…and then she died.” Dean dissolved into fresh tears, his whole body trembling against Sam’s shoulder.

“What? You were watching a movie and the little girl died? Is that what upset you Dean?” Sam looked down at the huddled form sobbing into his shoulder and wondered what on earth had happened to his brother.

“They tried for…for years to…to conceive her…and then she died. They…they tried so hard…so hard to save…her. Oh god Sam…what if…what if that…what if that happens to my baby?”

“Hey, Dean, come on man, you need to calm down. It was just a movie, man. It’s not real, everything is going to be ok, I promise. Nothing is going to happen to your baby. You don’t think the goddess would have given you the baby if you were just going to lose it.” Sam could have kicked himself as soon as he said it.

Dean’s head popped up from his shoulder, his liquid eyes boring into his, his voice cut out and dropped to a whisper as he spoke, “you think, I could…you think I could lose it?”

Sam brought his hand back up to sides of Dean’s face, wiping away tears with his thumbs, “no, of course not. Everything will be fine Dean. In six and half months I’ll have a little niece or nephew to look after and I’m sure that they will be happy and healthy, I promise.”

Dean blinked his bloodshot eyes and swallowed heavily, “are you sure? I mean what if…”

“Hey, Dean, come on, I sure everything will be fine. Now, how ‘bout you lay back down and I switch the TV off and you try and get some sleep. You didn’t sleep much last night; I’m sure you’re tired.” Sam helped Dean to lay back and pulled his covers up under his chin.

Dean curled up onto his right side facing away from the TV.

“You just get some sleep and I’ll get Ellen to whip you up a nice Banana Smoothie, alright. It will be ready for you when you wake up, ok.”

A soft hiccup sounded from the bed, as Dean nuzzled further into the blankets.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay til I fall asleep?”

“Ahh, oh, ahh, sure, of course. Do you want me to get Ellen.”

“NO!”

“Ok, ok, it’s cool, I’ll just stay here til you fall asleep. It’s no big deal, it’s not like I’ve got anything else to do anyway.”

Fresh sobs started to poor out from Dean.

“I’m sorry Sam. It’s my fault you’re stuck here. It’s my fault…”

“Oh crap, ELLEN! I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!”

Seconds later Ellen barged through the door to the bedroom.

“What is it, what’s wrong? Oh my God, Dean, what happened, is it the baby?”

Dean’s sobbing doubled in intensity as Ellen placed her hands on Dean’s forehead and side. Ellen turned an intense glare Sam’s way.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, I just come in to see what was wrong, ‘cause I could hear him crying from the bar. He was sobbing and shaking and babbling something about some movie he was watching about a little girl dying or something and then somehow he got on to him losing his baby and I don’t know how but then it got to him blame himself for me being stuck here at the Roadhouse. What do you think it is, some sort of possession or spirit manifest or something?”

“Get out Sam.” Ellen turned her back to Sam and pulled Dean up into her arms, “hey, honey, it’s me, it’s Ellen. Look at me Dean, can you do that for me honey?” Ellen glanced over her shoulder at Sam and hissed at him, “get…out.”

“What…but…I…I didn’t do anything.”

Ellen stroked the side of Dean’s face, and tried to urge him to lift his head up to look at her, “Dean, honey, can you look at me, can you do that for me? Just for a minute, I just want to make sure you’re ok.” Ellen turned her head and glared at Sam, nodded her head in the direction of the door.

“Fine, whatever, I get the hint.” Sam shut the door a little harder than necessary and stalked back to the bar, muttering under his breath, “God damn hormones, what the hell did I do? I was just trying to help.”

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“Dude, they are totally going to think were gay.” Dean whispered to Sam as they walked side by side in the Nursery aisle of Wal-mart.

“Dean, I think that’s the last thing we should be worrying about right now. The shear impossibility of the fact that you’re a man and you’re pregnant will probably come up BEFORE the assumption that we are a couple, Dean.”

“But, Sam, what generally gets you pregnant?”

“Ah, not gay sex Dean.”

“Yeah, well, ok, you got me there, but they are still totally going to think it.”

“Ok Dean, you work on how to stop people from assuming we are a gay couple having a baby and I’ll concentrate on them not locking you up in a laboratory like a lab rat for the next 5 months!”

“Oh, ok then, that’s a good plan.”

Sam shook his head as a smile broke on his lips. Dean was just starting to show now at 4 months pregnant and was paranoid every time he and Sam went anywhere together that people were going to think they were gay. Sam dearly loved his brother, but still could not understand how he had made that leap. Maybe it was just the hormones running rampant through his body at the moment. Sam looked up from his musings to see his brother gazing longingly at a pale pink dress, edged in lace and adored with a broad magenta ribbon at its waist, while absently rubbing circles over his pot belly stomach. Sam suppressed a giggle as Dean reached out a hand to stoke the dress, snatching his hand back just before touching the fabric.

“What Dean, do you think you might be having a girl?”

Dean startled at Sam’s words, “what, no, I just. I was just looking. It’s not as if I was going to buy it.” Dean frowned at Sam and then stalked off over to the section with the cribs.

Sam had to suppress another giggle as he noticed that Dean was starting to waddle a little when he walked. It wasn’t exaggerated yet, but just enough to notice.

“Hey, Dean, maybe we should look in the maternity wear section for you while we’re here, maybe they’ll have a nice dress to match this one over here.” Sam held up the lacy dress that Dean had been admiring moments before.”

“Bitch!”

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Dean leaned back on the bed, looking over at Sam has he absently stroked his swollen belly. “Saaaammmmm?”

“What Dean?” Sam glared at his brother over the top of the Latin text he was trying to read.

“I need Salsa.”

“You what?” Sam stared at him incredulously.

“I need some Salsa to go with my Ice cream. It just doesn’t taste the same without it.”

Sam gagged at the thought of Dean’s combination, “oh Dean, that’s disgusting. I am not getting you Salsa to put in your Ice cream. Anyway you have two legs and a heartbeat, get it yourself.”

Dean’s eyes became liquid and his bottom lip began to tremble, “fine, if I’m that much of a burden to you, I’ll go then. I wouldn’t want us to put you out. I mean I only raised you and now when I ask for a simple tub of Salsa and Ice cream it’s just too much trouble. It’s ok, I understand, I know that we are a burden to you and we are what’s holding you back from…”

“Oh for Christ sake, alright already, I’ll go and get your bloody Salsa, just stop being such a drama queen.”

Dean broke into a brilliant smile, “thanks Sammy I knew we could count on you, you’re the best.”

Sam just stood and shook his head; he knew when he’d been had.

Three hours later, Sam really wished he hadn’t let Dean manipulate him into buying him the Salsa as he sat grimacing in sympathy as Dean retched miserably into the adjoining toilet.

“Oh god Sam, kill me now. Uuggghhhhaa. Why did you let me eat that, you know it makes me sick.” Dean stopped talking to vomit into the toilet for what seemed like the twentieth time.

Sam just bit his lip and focused in on the crappy daytime movie flickering on the tiny TV set perched on the dresser. Surely these mood swings wouldn’t last the whole pregnancy, would they? God he hoped not, Dean would not survive the nine months otherwise.

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“Hey Sam?”

Sam let out an exaggerated sigh “What Dean?”

“What if my baby turns out to be the Anti-Christ or something, do you think you’ll be able to kill it?”

“What the hell kind of question is that a 3 in the morning?” Sam pulled himself up onto his elbows to look over at the silhouetted form on the opposite bed.

“It’s just I’ve been thinking and you know, maybe, this kid will be like evil incarnate, like in the Seventh Sign or something. Oh crap, Dude, do you think I’ll have to give up my soul for the kid like Demi Moore did in that flick. I mean, it’s already under contract so doesn’t that mean I can’t like mortgage it out again, ‘cause it’s already under finance.” Dean scrambled around struggling to get himself up into a sitting position, his 7 month belly getting in his way.

“Oh for Christ sake Dean, you are not giving birth to the Anti-Christ, just go back to sleep already.” Sam huffed as his dropped back onto his pillow.

“Ok.” Dean sat stared at his feet for a minute before pushing himself up and waddling to the adjoining bathroom. After 10mins of shuffling noises and contented sighs, Dean waddled back over to his bed and sat facing the opposite bed.

“Hey Sam?”

“What now?!” Sam shouted into his pillow.

“Demi Moore was a damn hot pregnant chick, don’t you think?”

“Dean!”

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“I did it!” Bobby shouted into the phone, forgetting to check the time in his excitement to convey his news to the brothers.

“What? Bobby, is that you?” Sam voice come over the phone soft and drawn out.

Bobby could hardly hear Sam over the crackle of the phone and the sleepy sound of Sam’s voice, “Sam, are you there?”

“Yeah, Bobby, I’m here, what’s going on? What did you do?”

Bobby shouted into the phone, trying to make sure Sam could hear what he was about to say, “I can get Dean out of the Deal!” Next thing Bobby heard was a muffled thump, followed by swearing and cursing, quickly followed by a breathless whisper from Sam.

“You can do what? Are you sure? Shit, dammit, owww!”

“Sam you alright?” Bobby could hear more movement and a voice in the background.

”You right Sam? What’s going on?”

“Shit, sorry Dean, I didn’t mean to wake you, oh crap, owww, I think I broke my hand.”

“Sam! What’s going on?”

”What? How did you do that? Are you sure?”

“Dammit, yeah, I’m sure. I fell of the bed when Bobby told me that he’s found a way to get you out of the deal.”

Bobby heard another thud on the other end, follow by an abrupt reply on the phone.

“Shit, Dean! Hell, umm, Bobby, I’ll call you back, Dean just fainted.”

“Sam, wait…” Bobby didn’t get the rest of his sentence out before the connection ended.

“Shit!” Bobby immediately dialed the Roadhouse number.

“Harvelle Roadhouse, this better be good.” Ellen’s gravelly voice came over the line with a croak of sleep.

Before Bobby could get anything out, he heard a distant shout on Ellen’s end.

”ELLEN, HELP!”

“Crap, Bobby, I’ve got to go, I’ll call you back as soon as I know anything.”

“But…God dammit!”

Bobby waited on tender hooks for the next half an hour, jumping at every sound until the phone finally rang.

“’bout bloody time. Is he ok?”

“Hello to you too, Bobby Singer. Yes, he’s ok, a little bruised and sorry for himself but he and the baby are just fine. Sam managed to sprain his wrist, but he’ll be right in a week or so. Now, what the hell started all this in the first place?”

“Thank God, I thought he might have done himself a serious injury just when I’ve gone and figured out how to get him out of this damn deal with the crossroads Demon.”

“You’ve figured out a way to get him out of the deal! Why the hell didn’t you tell me before, this is great news.”

“I tried to tell you all before but they all started taking fainting spells and I couldn’t get a damn word in edgewise!”

“Don’t you take that tone with me Bobby Singer. I was just asking you a civilized question there is no need to take your bad mood out on me.”

“What! I just…I…oh for the love of Pete. Just tell Dean that I’ll be out to do the ritual in a couple of days, so he just needs to sit tight til then.” With that Bobby slammed down the phone and run his hand under his trucker cap.

Damn, those boys stress me more than any Demon ever has how John put up with the two of them together I’ll never know!” Bobby continued to grumble under his breath as he started to stuff random objects and texts into a duffle.

“I’m too damn old for this shit!”

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Dean was miserable. Everything hurt and no matter what he did, nothing relieved the constant aches in his back and feet. To top it off, Dean had discovered, after an entire day and half of itching like crazy in a place that he not only couldn’t reach but was never going to ask someone to scratch for him, that he now had what looked suspiciously like a vagina just behind his scrotum. Yeah, who knew what else shaving mirrors could come in handy for? How much worse could this year get? Well he did have to go through birth yet, so hell, it might be better to tell Bobby to hold off and maybe the Hell Hounds would come before the baby and he’d be better off. Of course to make matters worse, Bobby had described the ritual to him and of course it required him to be completely naked as he needed to be covered in a disgusting smelling concoction of unpronounceable herbs and shit that made him want to hurl every time he smelt it. He hadn’t told anyone about the new opening yet and didn’t really want to open up to anyone about it.

“God, how many Chinamen did I run over to deserve this much bad luck?” Dean jumped up out of his slumped position on the bed at the touch of the hand on his shoulder, “Shit, ow, god dammit.” Dean grimaced and braced his hands over his distended belly as sharp pain radiated down through his belly right down to his newly acquired opening.

“Dean, are you ok?” Ellen, ran her hand through his hair, cupping her hand around his chin, pull his face up to hers, “Is it the baby?”

Dean breathed shaky breaths through his mouth and pulled his face out of the grimace into a pained frown, “No, just pulled a muscle or something, shit, how do you girls do this over and over again, this shit really hurts.”

Ellen smiled, “Yeah, well, we aren’t the tougher sex for nothing you know. Do you need me to get you anything? Bobby’s nearly ready to get started on the ritual and needs you to get ready soon.”

“Umm, ahh, Ellen?”

“Yeah.”

“Umm, how umm, do you think this kids gonna get out?” Dean fidgeted on the bed, studiously ignoring Ellen’s intent gaze.

“Well, I’m figuring that we’re probably gonna have to do a Cesar on you. Don’t worry I know a reliable surgeon who will keep his mouth shut for the right price and I know what he’s been getting up to with his daughter’s husband.”

Dean startled back and stared at Ellen in disgust. His face a picture of confusion and horror.

“What, I hear things and I knew you were gonna need some help birthin’ this baby.”

“Ahh, well, about that. I appreciate your help and all, but I think the goddess had something else in mind for me when she cooked up this little giggle fest.”

Ellen frowned and leaned in to sit beside Dean on the bed, “what do mean? Is there something you’re not telling us?”

Dean squirmed around on the bed and his face flushed to a beet red, “ahh, well, it’s kind of…umm…well, I ahh…I sort of have a…I have a vagina!” The last part of the sentence came out a lot louder that Dean intended and it was just at that moment that Bobby pushed through the bedroom door.

“Sweet mother Mary…ahh…maybe I’ll just come back later.” Bobby quickly spun on his heel ready to dart back out the door.

“Shit, Bobby, hey, wait, umm…ahh crap, Ellen can you help me up.” Dean held his hand out to Ellen after his attempts to stand failed miserably.

“No, no, it’s ok, just stay there. I ahh…I didn’t mean to barge in, I ahh…should have knocked or something, sorry.” Bobby ducked his head to his chest and rubbed his hand over his ever present truckers cap, a light blush was staining his cheeks when he tipped his head up to look back at Dean.

“Oh shit, Bobby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to hear it like that. I ahh…it only happened a few days ago, I ahh…just hadn’t got round to telling you yet. I mean, what the hell was I supposed to say. ‘Hey guys guess what not only do I have a loaded baby pouch, but I’ve got an exit tunnel for it as well now.’ Ahh, hell, I’ve only got a few weeks to go before I’m going to have to squeeze a watermelon out of a radiator hose. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Ellen and Bobby both swallowed heavily and turned sympathetic eyes on Dean.

“Aww hell boy, I don’t envy you your position, but at least we can get you out of this deal so you’ll get to be around to enjoy all your hard work.” Bobby grinned crookedly at Dean.

“Anyway you wouldn’t want to ruin your figure with a hideous Cesar scar now would you?”

“Oh you’re just hysterical. Now what the hell do you need me to do for the god damn ritual? Why the hell do they always need you to be naked? God damn Demons, I swear their all a bunch of god damn perverts.”

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“I hate you Sam!” Dean squeezed Sam’s hand, his face scrunched up in pain and sweat dripped down off the end of his nose landing on his heaving chest.

‘What the hell did I do?” Sam pulled back on his hand as Dean increased his grip to a painful level.

“It’s all your fault, I’m in this mess.” Dean panted out breathlessly as his muscles began to relax again.

“How the hell is this, my fault? You were the one who ran off at the mouth at the pagan goddess!” Sam raised his voice and stood up as he tried to get away from Dean.

Dean looked down at his hand gripping his brother’s and quickly snatched it back. He lifted his head off the bed to glare at Sam over his extremely swollen belly. Ellen stepped in between the two men putting her back to Dean.

“Sam, come with me.” Ellen growled in Sam’s direction as she nodded towards the door.

“What, he started it, it’s not as if I had…” Sam was cut off abruptly as Ellen grabbed his hand and started to drag him towards the door.

“I said come with me.”

Sam spun around to face Ellen after she shut the door behind them.

“What the…”

“That will be enough out of you. Now you just shut your trap and listen to me boy. Your brother is in a lot of pain at the moment and he’s going to be in a lot more in time to come, so don’t you take your frustration out on him just ‘cause he’s not make a whole lot of sense at the moment. It won’t be too much longer before he’s going to need you more than he ever has before. He’s gonna be scared and in pain and you are going to be his anchor in the storm, do you understand me boy.”

Sam just nodded his head, his eyes softening and tearing as Ellen spoke.

“I’m gonna need you to be strong and do whatever I tell you to do without question. If I get one word of back answering from you I’m going to kick you out and you won’t be going back in there until it’s all over. Do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good, now get back in there and help your brother.”

Ellen sighed as she watched Sam sneak back into the room. What on earth was she doing? She was getting too old for this.

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Dean screamed til his voice was hoarse. Twenty-five hours and Dean was still in labor. He was finally able to push, but Sam could tell he was fast running out of energy. Sam held onto Dean’s hand with a death grip, willing his own strength into his ailing brother.

“Saaaammmmm, make it stop, please make it stop. I don’t want the baby anymore just cut it out of me, please.”

“Shhh…come on Dean, not long to go now. It’s too late for us to do a Cesar now, you have to push. The baby’s almost here. Come on you can do it.”

‘If you think it’s so god damn easy, you bloody push it out then.” Dean glared at his brother, just before another contraction took his breath away and he bore down in earnest. His face turned a bright red and sweat popped out on his brow. “Aaarrrrgggghhhh, god this sucks out loud.”

Sam dabbed at the sweat on Dean’s forehead as he continued to push through the agonizing contraction. Just when Sam thought Dean was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, the contraction passed and he was able to breathe a sigh of relief as Dean gasped in huge gulps of air and flopped back against the pillows.

Ellen smiled up at the two men from between Dean’s spread legs, “I can see the head, not long now Dean, just a couple more good pushes like that one and it will be all over.”

“That’s what you said an hour ago. I can’t do it, just pull it out. I can’t push anymore. God how can this be happening to me? I should at a bar shooting pool, impressing some hot chick with my awesome skills, not spread eagle on a bed trying to push out a bowling ball out of a hole the size…”

“That’s enough Dean. I know you’re tired, but you have to concentrate and get this little baby out. It’s been a long hard labor for both of you and I don’t think it will be happy about you quitting now and having a hissy fit.”

“I am not having a…Uhhhh, oh god, not again, uhhhhhhhhhh, Sammy!” Dean curled up into his spread legs, pushing with all his strength.

“Ahhhhhhhhh, crap, Dean, god, let go, let go. Shit, I think you broke my hand again. Dammit Dean, let go, ahhhhhh.” Sam writhed and tried to pull his hand out of Dean’s death grip.

“Oh for Christ sake Sam, suck it up, he’s the one in labor here, just let him hold your hand, it won’t be long now.” Ellen scowled at Sam, before turning back towards the action. “Come on Dean, that it, just a little bit more, a little bit more, yes, that’s it, that’s it. Well done Dean, you did it, it’s a girl!” Ellen beamed as she pulled the screaming baby up onto her father’s chest.

“Oh my god, oh my god. I did it. Sammy, look, I did it, I have a daughter.” Dean leaned towards Sam, a huge smile on his face as he let go of Sam’s hand to grab hold of the screaming baby.

Sam did his best to smile, but it turned into a grimace as blood flow returned to his hand and the pain in his broken hand jumped to an excruciating level, “Oh shit, I think you really did re-break my hand, god dammit.”

“Sam!” Both Dean and Ellen turned heated glares at him. Dean gently placed his hands over his squalling daughter’s ears and Ellen hit Sam in the shoulder. “Don’t swear in front of the baby!” Dean chastised his brother before going back to gazing into his daughter’s eyes.

“Ow, hey, I’m the one who’s injured here.”

“Sam.” Ellen growled, nodding pointedly at the door.

“But, I…”

“Sam just go and get Bobby and tell him to bring in his herb kit, I want to make up a tea for Dean to help with the afterbirth.”

Sam swallowed visibly, “Sure, yeah, I’ll go get Bobby.”

“Hey Sam?”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“What do you think about the name Demi? She comes from such good stock, there’s no doubt she’ll be a hot chick someday and she was created by a demi-goddess.”

Sam smiled down at his brother, “Sure bro, that sounds great. I like it.”

Even though his hand hurt like hell Sam couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he made his way out to the main bar in search of Bobby. Sam was looking forward to the years ahead helping his brother raise his niece. After all the heartache they had been through over the last nine months because of Dean’s big mouth, it looked like the last laugh was on the goddess after all, this was definitely turning out to be a happy ending.


End file.
